What You Need to Know to Communicate Well
You need to know what the other person wants. What are their needs, their wants, their desires, their dreams; you need to know what they value.
To improve your social interactions, communicate what’s inspiring to you in terms of what’s valuable to the other person.
Understand the other person’s values and then link what you’re saying so that what you’re saying is of personal interest to them. This is the key to successful dating, marriages, business relationships, marketing…. everything! The key to everything, right there. The essence of relating clearly.
In this passage from “How To Prepare For An Employment Interview”, Gary Will demonstrates clearly the importance of focusing on needs in an interview situation (applicable to other areas of life…):
Every minute you spend talking only about yourself is a minute you’ve bored your interviewer with self-centred facts they neither need nor want. So what do they care about? Themselves. And their problems. And how you might be able to help them solve their problems and achieve their goals.
That’s it.
Please understand this point. While you will be spending most of your time during the interview talking about yourself, what the interviewer really wants to hear — and, therefore, what you need to communicate — is what you can do for them or their organization.
How can you help them solve their problems and achieve their goals?
What do you bring that’s of value?
Why is this better than what the next person has to offer?
For a fluffery explanation, Hendricks and Ludeman (Pure listening - The Corporate Mystic, Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., Kate Ludeman, Ph.D) explain, “This deep listening — listening to inspire mutual creativity — is responsible for many breakthroughs in the world. Listening for mutual creativity is rooted in two questions:
What do you most want?
And how can I help you get what you most want?
To listen in total support of other people — to be for their goals and aspirations in your own body, mind, and spirit — may well be the greatest gift you can give your fellow human beings.”
Good to Keep in Mind
People act according to their values. Don’t expect to change someone; all that you can expect, is that they will continue to act in ways that are advantageous to what they value and think is important.
So, seek first to understand where the other person is coming from.
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