be definite.

“God creates the first wrong impression.” [source]

First Impressions Matter

In the business world, the process works like this:

A. If you appear to be of comparable business or social level, you are considered suitable for further interaction.

B. If you appear to be of higher business or social status, you are admired and cultivated as a valuable contact.

C. If you appear to be of lower business or social standing, you are tolerated but kept at arm’s length.

D. If you are in an interview situation, you can either appear to match the corporate culture or not, ultimately affecting the outcome. [source]

First impressions prepare your viewer for more of the same. People like consistency and predictability. That said, look around for a minute; what image are you broadcasting to the world right now?

1. What are you wearing?

- Are you wearing something you feel comfortable wearing and that conveys how you feel about yourself and the people you associate with? And what kind of people you associate with?

2. How are you sitting?

- How’s that posture? Alert and interested? Would others see you as engaged with what’s going on? Someone who knows how to get things done?

3. What kind of chair are you sitting in?

- I just threw this question in here because there’s been a lot of talk on the importance of a good chair in the blogosphere lately.

4. What is your facial expression?

- Now, no one expects you to be all smiles every minute of the day. In fact, that’s creepy. But by relaxing your facial muscles and practicing a genial (and natural) open expression, you involuntarily relax both your body and your mind. And others will take your cue and feel calmed by your zen-like demeanour.

5. Your body language?

- As above. Physiology informs psychology and vice versa, so if you want to feel confident, look the part.

6. Your thoughts about your plans for today and tomorrow?

- Do you have a purpose for the activities to which you’re currently devoting your time and energy? Are you expecting good things because you focus on the things you want and ways to better serve yourself and others?

First Impressions Matter. For the second time.

This posting is somewhat facetious considering my previous posting showcases a picture caption containing the ubiquitous yet always-good-for-a-startle F word. Which leads into my next point in Marketing 101:

Do the unexpected. Occasionally. Otherwise, it’s expected….

Doing something unexpected and out of the ordinary will make a longer imprint on the memory of the viewer. What is different stands out, and as a survival mechanism, we notice variations in our environment while the rest of the familiar fades into the background. We notice music that has variations in tone while remaining true to an overall pattern. Oh, how delicious is that one flat note before the chorus begins; my ear both braces and yearns for the offbeat.

In other words, simply be yourself! You’re not like anybody else. In a good way.

Do what works and experiment; play on expectations.

Make a positive impression, even if you have nothing in common

A study on First Impressions conducted at the University of Minnesota had the following results (check out the study on First Impressions here):

“People are making snap judgments about what kind of relationship they want with the person they just met.” This follows what researchers call predicted outcome value theory, which states that when we initially begin communicating with another person we make predictions about the relationship’s potential and act accordingly.

“We make a prediction about what kind of relationship we could have with a person,” Sunnafrank said. “and that helps determine how much effort we are willing to put into developing a relationship. It is NOT that people are good at sizing others up or knowing who will or will not be a good relational partner. Instead, people seem to make these predictions based on first impressions and then act in a manner that makes the relationship become what they expected. i.e., ‘I think you will be a positive person to be around and therefore, I’ll communicate more, tell you more about myself and do things that will help ensure a friendship does develop.’ If they have a more negative prediction about a future relationship, then they will restrict communication and make it harder for a friendship to develop. Our research results don’t really point to accurate first impressions but self-fulfilling ones. We saw students achieve their self-fulfilling prophecies.”

Act as if you are that, and soon that you shall be….

“It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.” - William James

“The guess is that evolution favours a level of happiness that is not too high, at which we would not be motivated to strive for achievement or to be wary of dangers, nor so low that we would not take pleasure in all the positive goals of survival—finding food, sex, love, companionship, mastery, and virtuosity. And now, with science suggesting happiness is not necessarily a state that simply befalls us, but rather something we may be able to affect, any one of us trying to achieve greater joy has good reason to smile.” - Nancy Etcoff

There’s been much research on Happiness Set points — the observation that people tend to maintain a relatively set level of Happy, despite both traumatic (deaths, divorce) or exhilarating (winning lottery, getting married) experiences.

Now, the research studies are acknowledging that genes don’t control behaviour: rather, that one’s environment, or more accurately — one’s perception of one’s environment — controls genetic expression by switching the genes on or off:

“Davidson also has seen evidence that suggests people might have some control over their patterns of brain activity, that a positive outlook may be a mental muscle that can be trained through repetitive exercise into higher performance. The regions of the brain thought to be related to happiness show increased activity during meditation, and the activity is greatest in those people who have been practicing meditation the longest; it’s possible, he theorizes, that their training strengthens connections among neurons in the left prefrontal cortex of their brains, but only future studies will tell.

So far, of the hundreds of study participants tested in his lab, the most extreme leftward tilt was found in a Tibetan monk whose brain was scanned while he was meditating about compassion and love. The lama described his thoughts as “compassion with no agenda, that excludes no one. You generate this quality of loving, and let it soak the mind.” Is there something about this soak that pushes the monk’s emotional set point into the range of enduring happiness, what Buddhists call sukha?” [source]

How to rewire your brain for better feelings?

Rewire your neural connections by changing your perception. Look around the room where you are now. Do you like what your environment reflects back to you? See something you want to change? Do you like where you’re living? Is it the right place for now? Do you like the people you’ve befriended? Do you support their goals and do they enjoy your company, and vice versa?

Raise a Little Hell if it makes you feel good

In the words of Trooper, “If you don’t like what you got, why don’t you change it? If your world is all screwed up — rearrange it!” This is the fun part. I think it’s self-explanatory. Every month or so, I like to crank up the tunes and take inventory of my life. I cut out what’s bringing me down (Bruce) and make room for the good things to grow. I review my gratitude lists (I do the gratitude part everyday anyway) and add more to them, do a little celebratory dance in the bathroom mirror, then proceed with my daily activities, assuming as much normalcy as possible.

So, to rewire your brain and attune it to the feelings you want: see only that which is conducive to your achieving your goals. If something isn’t useful to you, ignore it. Focus on what motivates you, then take action.

Perception and Science

Bruce Lipton is a cell biologist by profession and proponent of Epigenetics who teaches the Biology of Belief: genes cannot control life because genes cannot turn themselves on or off. Perception controls genes; genes provide the blueprints for protein production.

Perception is the meaning you give to what you see, hear, smell, touch, taste. In other words, perception is defined as, ‘the process of interpreting and making understandable information which is received through the sensory organs.’ You are the one who gets to choose what something means to you. You choose how to interpret and assign meaning to your environmental cues. This act is the point of power. You can be happy only under the condition that you’re thinking of what you’re wanting.

You can find the Biology of Belief online for free (use a bittorrent program), as well as Lipton’s Conscious Parenting video which offers ways to use this knowledge to improve your child’s IQ and feel loved and all that good stuff. I watched Biology of Belief last summer, every day for a week. It was that good. Plus it rains a lot in Vancouver.

Remember, something is useful only if you actually use it.

Review of Lipton’s Biology of Belief and epigenetics - written in 1995 but a nice overview
The Secret of Happiness? - Psychologists now know what makes people happy